Black Friday indeed.

I am writing this after the event so at least I can think more clearly, but then I have been up all night so that might not be possible.

I have never felt so cheated and used and rejected in my life.  That may not be true but it feels that way.

I was seeing someone and well actually I’m going to spare you and myself and not go into details but suffice to say that it turns out that this person lied about absolutely everything to the point where I’m really questioning if he was truthful about stupid things like his name for example!  I really can’t understand why anyone would behave it such a low, deceitful way and to what end?

Our poor excuse for a  ‘relationship’ ended over a year ago so why I am upset about it now?  Well, one because it didn’t really have an end, there was no closure, there was no ‘I don’t want to see you anymore’, I was just left wondering, and two, I only just discovered today that everything he ever said was a lie.  He told me once that today was his birthday and then for 2 years he denied and said I got it wrong and didnt celebrate it with me, and now I go past his house and there is his ‘new’ girlfriend decorating the outside with ‘happy birthday’ banners.  I don’t understand why someone would behave that way. That was the final straw. Just one of so many lies that I am only just discovering the full extent of his deceit.  But you know what, for all that he is 30, he’s not mature or an adult.  He was fond of saying he was just a boy and too young for <insert anything here>, but actually he is CHILD not a boy. And a very selfish child at that.  He doesn’t care about other people’s feelings, he only cares about himself.  I changed so many plans to accommodate him and even changed myself just to try and please him, and to what end?  I became someone I didnt recognise any more, well I am never changing to please someone again.  I don’t know why I did as its not like me at all, but I will remain now true to myself and if people don’t like it then, its too bad.

People say that you learn something from every relationship and you learn from your mistakes, but I’m not sure what lesson I’m supposed to learn from this except maybe to not trust anyone and be even more guarded than I already am.

Everybody lies sure, women lie, men lie, we all lie, whether it’s our age, our weight, our sexual experience, lie on our CVs, lie to ease someone else’s pain, sure, but little white lies, nothing that is going to cause actual hurt to another person.

It’s like those people who lead a double life and have two families in different places, neither knowing about the other, and the guy, because it’s usually a guy (!) behaves absolutely ‘normal’ with both sets of family and this can go on for years, until he finally gets discovered.

And then everybody gets hurt and starts to question everything about their entire life.

But even in the darkest moments something can happen that brings a little shaft of light into your pit of despair.  A very dear friend called me because they knew how upset I was and we talked for hours through the night (not about the asshole) but about a great many other things and that meant a lot to me that someone would care that much to call me just because I was hurting.